Productive things that are Not Helpful.

I hate how I only want to write when I'm stressed. My week for classes blows, but here I am and it's 10:30 on Monday night and what have I accomplished today? I wrote 5k lousy words in my book. 5k words? From a writer's standpoint that's great - really productive! Even if they're kind of crappy, that's what editing is for. You go back, you make it funny, you clean it up and put a shine on it. At least there's something there to work with.

From a school standpoint, this is not so much with the good.

I should have watched at least one lecture today. I should have studied for my test-out, or for my exam on Wednesday. But I didn't, and tomorrow I will be stressing out like crazy, wondering where I went wrong. I will know, of course, but it's more dramatic to throw yourself around and say "Why?! Where did I veer off on this tragic path?" And I do love to create some drama.

On the writing front, though, I feel like I'm kind of struggling with my main character. Normally my main characters are what Christopher Moore refers to as "beta males". Meek, bookish guys with a hint of a badass in them but far too much natural politeness to let it out. But you get tired of those things, and I wanted my story to convey both the challenges and the fun parts of being a young woman in the modern world. I'm a girl, so that should be easy, right?

Wrong. She's much more emotional than I am, and way more feminine. She has a boyfriend. She isn't a big nerd, although the situations she's finding herself in are kind of forcing her to be one. She's extroverted, she's talkative, she's short-tempered. What am I? Kind of talkative, when I get comfortable with people, definitely somewhat short-tempered. I mean, thank God she's not me, I was kind of afraid of that, but seriously. It shouldn't be this hard.

How do you write a strong, powerful but very feminine character? How do you balance confidence with emotion? She's been put in some very difficult situations, and I'm struggling with how she should react. Of course she's going to cry, but I'm not looking to overdo that. But when does she stop crying, dry her tears and soldier on? It's a hard balance to find.

Editing is going to be an exercise in both self-loathing and patience, I can tell you that right now. But right now that's a long way off; we don't even have the main story introduced. She hasn't even told her boyfriend she's a superhero yet, for goodness' sake. So I guess I'll kick back and enjoy the process, and getting to know my characters. Some are recycled, old friends almost, others are new and I'm still figuring them out. It's kind of like making all new friends, starting at a new school, with the unusual element that all these people exist in your head.

I'm not crazy, really, honest. It's just a thing I do.