I'm the worst blogmom

I have been neglectful and cruel to my poor little blog, and that is something that is very sad.

It's okay though, blog - my novel probably has similar feelings at the moment.

See here's the thing. I started reading Homestuck, which I documented, no big deal, but then I wrote some Homestuck fanfiction, which I swear I am trying so hard to not write fanfiction right now but it just happened I don't even know. BUT it's not all bad, and now I'm going to talk about why I think All Aspiring Writers Should Try Fanfiction.

Yeah, it's lame, alright, I get that. You write for nothing, don't make up your own characters, nothing. But here's the thing: there are no stakes. Technically there's nothing to gain (there is, we'll talk about it later) but that means that there's nothing to lose! And that means you can try shit you wouldn't normally try, or play with other things that maybe you're not fully satisfied with. The trap, of course, is getting too "fanficcy", and imitating your source too much - that's where fanfiction really does get pointless and lame. Okay, great, so you can write exactly like Stephen King, and turn out scary fanfiction by the pound. But how do you write? Do you even know how to write like you?

For a very long time, I wanted to write like Terry Pratchett. I tried to write like Terry Pratchett. And it wasn't for nothing, because I did learn a lot, but eventually I realized that okay, I could write really similarly to Terry Pratchett, but that's not how I write. And that's when I realized that I knew more about how Pratchett writes than how I write. And that was the day where I stopped writing fanfiction.

I took a two year hiatus - freshman and sophomore year of college. I think I posted maybe four fanfictions during that time period. And then junior year I took a creative writing course and found out that I could write, and I had my own style, and it was actually not terrible. I wish I could say I started writing all my own shit at that point, but that's a lie. I wrote fanfiction again, but this time I didn't try to be Terry Pratchett. I tried to be me, with my stories and my takes on the characters, and my voice. Some people liked it, some people thought it was bad fanfiction. And yeah, maybe it was. But my writing was better, way better, and that was progress.

This spring I wrote a novel, and that was the hardest thing I've ever done, writing-wise. Not only was I trying to use my own voice extensively and consistently, I was creating a story, characters, a canon, everything. I will readily admit I was stretched as a writer. It was hard. And yeah, I'm really proud of my story and of myself for getting to the end, but when I re-read it there are parts where I can tell I was reaching. I'd never done that before, never played in that sandbox or however you want to put it. I mean, yeah it's all writing, but there's so many subtleties, so much shit you have to manage and so many irons to keep in the fire (yeah Vriska), that it can get away from you really really easily. And it did and that's okay, it's my first (okay well if we're going to get super technical third, but first serious) novel.

So I am going to go back to it but in the meantime I picked up this Homestuck thing. And I found something important out about my writing: I'm still struggling with my "voice". Pratchett fanfiction has a very English feel, even when I write it, just as part of the nature of it. Homestuck though, is fun and crazy and manic and gritty and American-written. And suddenly I'm realizing that when I just write, rather than try to be from a country I've only visited twice, things just sort of fall out onto the page. I don't know why it took me so long to realize this because I've been blogging for a while, but I guess it's just one of those things you have to come to at your own pace.

I realize that I said I was going to get to things you can gain from fanfiction later, and while I just expounded on what I think it's done for me, there is one more thing it's done, and one more thing it can do: get you feedback. Get your work out there, in the hands of others. People read it, tell you what they think, and that is invaluable. Seriously. And the other upswing of that is, if people read your stuff, and people like your stuff, you gain another invaluable resource: fans. People who like your shit enough, and maybe even like you enough (as a writer, never try to be likeable and a people-pleaser: be a selfish hooker because otherwise you'll never feel right about what you're writing) will follow your career and will maybe maybe spread word of your stuff to their friends.

You can't put a dollar sign on that. You can't put a value on that.

I will never, ever tell anyone not to write fanfiction. It's not a waste of time. It's not counterproductive. As a writer, it's one of the best things you can do.

SCHOOOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!

Okay, so not quite yet, I still have some Holistic Nursing stuff to finish up but SCHOOL IS OUT.

So obviously this is my cue to spam you all with shitty Homestuck art. WHO IS EXCITED? You guys.

K4rk4t h4h4h4h4. PH33R MY SH1TTY T4BL3T SK1LLS.

Impressed? I thought you might not be. Anyway, moving on, it's time for a review of

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART DEUX (aka: Wizards should learn to fistfight)

So last night I finally went to see the new Potter movie. I've been dying to since it came out, but with school and horses and all the other crap I was dealing with, it's been impossible for me to get to the theater. But last night the stars aligned and I finally was able to take it all in.

First impressions: Whether or not you like Potter, it's just a really good movie. Some of the deaths at the end lose their impact if you're a Potter virgin, but otherwise the movie's great - so much better than the book, actually. Well. Maybe . . . No, yeah, it's better than the book. It's amazing.

More in detail thoughts: This isn't going to be organized or anything, because I'm having trouble keep linear track of everything, but here we go. First of all, there was some BRUTAL stuff in this one. It seems like as the movies go on, they become more determined to set themselves aside as films more tailored to adults, rather than children; I think that's because Potter's original fanbase was . . . well, my age group. And each movie has sort of followed that - we're all 20-somethings now, and this was definitely a movie with that in mind, I think.

I remember just wincing at Snape's death. It was pretty harsh. Almost moreso because they didn't show it on the screen; you just heard the snake striking again and again and seeing the body slam up against the glass. That was . . . intense. The scene right after it though, where Harry finally saw Snape, that was kind of lame. Alan Rickman's terrible wig really distracted me though, so . . . I don't know, I feel like they sort of fell flat there. The scene, not the wig.

The scene with the resurrection stone was understandably emotionally wrenching. In the spirit of full disclosure, I had started crying when the stone guardians of Hogwarts were activated, and by the time we got to that scene I was primed to be a sobbing mess. Which I was. Seriously, tears and snot, so much of both. All Lily had to do was say "I'm proud of you, Harry," and BOOM waterworks. Harry's death was less emotional, which was good, because I'm not sure how much I could have taken.

The fight with Voldemort, after Harry came back was also fairly epic. Neville was suitably hardcore in the Nagini-killing, and VOLDEMORT WAS REALLY, REALLY GAY. I'm sorry, I feel like this needs to be pointed out. It started when he finally killed Harry; he pimpslapped Bella off himself (which was hilarious - bitch don't TOUCH ME EW), and then returns to Hogwarts and does a little dance. WTF, movie. This is Voldemort, not some terrible bad guy. He's actually a half-decent villain, let him have his moment. Anyway, then Draco goes back to the dark side (really he and his parents just peace out, which was cool; family first with the Malfoys) and Voldemort surprise hugs him. That was singly the most hilariously awkward moment in the entire movie. The manly shoulder pat was just . . . oh my God I laughed. Everyone did.

When Molly Weasley killed Bella, the theater erupted in applause and cheering. When Neville killed Nagini, it was like some no-name had just made par in a Master's Tournament. I felt like we should have been howling, cheering for Neville. But no, polite applause. It sort of bothered me. But maybe we were all distracted by the EPIC SLAP FIGHT between Voldemort and Harry, which was simultaneously thrilling and goofy. And the slow-mo wand scamper that immediately followed. But Voldemort's death was well-done, I thought (none of that JK Rowling 'shove the corpse in a broom closet' shit), and really satisfied.

Then I started crying again, not because I was happy, but because it was over. Over for the characters, yes, but more importantly, over for me. I started reading Harry Potter when I was 11. It has been a constant in my life for 12 years. And as the next generation boarded the train, and that original theme song kicked in, I lost it, because that's it for Harry Potter. There's no more movies, no more books. I was saying goodbye, and while I had expected it, I wasn't ready for it. I'd grown up with those kids, watched them go from little adventurers to heroes, watched them rise high even as their friends fell. And here it was: finality. Closure.

I didn't want it to happen. I didn't want the end to come. But it did, and I sobbed like a retard. I watched the credits roll and I cried and I said goodbye to Harry, and Hermione, and Ron and Draco. I said goodbye to Hogwarts, and to McGonagall, and Slugworth and all the professors. I said goodbye to the Weasleys, to Voldemort, to Lupin and to Snape. And even though I was crying, and even though I'll miss all of them, I was happy, because it ended right. Not well, not for all of them, but it ended right and that was important.

Thanks, Harry, for everything you've done for me. You introduced me to fandom, and what that meant. You brought me to fanfiction. In a way, you started me on the path of becoming a writer. And I'm not sure how else to properly thank you for that but in words, since you're fictional. But thank you all the same.

I'll miss you.

Oh lawds.

I may or may not have used this post title before, and I'm okay with that.

Anyway, I have been a HUGE slacker with the whole blogging thing recently, but not for a bad reason! See, because the accelerated nursing program is retarded, we go to class during the summer. So right now, I'm in class. Well, not at this moment, since it's Saturday morning (although I wouldn't put it past them!), but you get the idea.

It's wrapping up, though. I've finished up with clinical, and boy that is a blessing. Strangely, though, it wasn't bad. I actually kind of enjoyed it. They say med-surg is the hardest, and the one everyone enjoys the least, but I don't know, it didn't seem so bad. I wouldn't mind working med-surg for a couple of years, until I can get into critical care or something before I go back to school, is all I'm saying. But that's a long way off - hopefully years. I don't think I could go right back to school right now.

OH H4Y BURNOUT, N1CE TO S33 YOU.

And the l33t-sp34k in the above lends me on to my next point: I AM NOW OBSESSED (full-out, no holds barred, no arguments) WITH HOMESTUCK. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, here is the link. It . . . takes a while to get into. The discussion of captchalogs and sylladexes is kind of trying at first, it really is, but once you push through that the whole story sort of grabs you and pulls you along.

I got it on my third try. The first try I really wanted to like it, I really did, but I got so bogged down in the technicalities early on that I couldn't do it. The second try, I got a little further, but it was so ridiculous (Betty Crocker the batterwitch aside) that I couldn't keep up. The seed, however, was planted - I wanted to know more. I honestly did mean to go back to it.

Months passed. And then, as I was browsing DeviantArt (don't judge me), I ran across this picture, which was just a delightful blend of Discworld and Homestuck. And the guy in black intrigued me. You don't know me if you don't know I have a soft spot for misanthropic, sometimes psychotic skinny guys in black (Lord Vetinari, Sirius Black, Voldemort, Spades Slick, Crowley in Good Omens, Crowley in Supernatural, Famine in Good Omens, Pocket, oh the list goes on . . .), and my interest was piqued. So I looked around at more pictures of Spades and found that not ONLY was he a skinny psycho in black, he's a skinny psychotic ALIEN with one eye and A ROBOT ARM in black! With an unrequited/masochistic love interest and he plays piano too!

I had to know more.

So I started reading Homestuck again, with the singular goal of getting to the intermission so I could welcome the pointy, stabby joy of Spades into my life. And I made it there. And then I had to learn more about the trolls, because I'd been listening to the soundtracks and I sort of knew about them. Plus at that point I was pretty much really interested in Rose and John and Dave and Jade, and how they were going to get out of the game and . . .

And then I was hooked.

So long story short, I read Homestuck, I'm hooked and they've earned another fan out of the faceless internet masses. It's very fun for me to see an internet comic finally pull off a coherent story - prior to this my internet comic reading consisted of Cyanide&Happiness, Looking for Group, the occasional foray into Least I Could Do (which, honestly, if it weren't for the art I wouldn't be half-interested - I hate Sohmer as a writer with a weird passion), and Penny Arcade. Of those, LFG is the only one with a coherent beginning-to-end storyline, and Sohmer is writing it.

So it's pretty terrible. But again, the art and, oh, another skinny undead psycho in black. Richard. <3

I think I have a problem.

Anyhow, I really do love how Homestuck uses the medium, and the animation style has really grown on me. I'm reading through (I'm almost to July 2010), and really enjoying it. Soon, I think, I'll catch up and then sadness will reign, 'cause I'll just have to wait around for another update. :( But until then . . . :D!

And this has been your weird internet-comic-centered post for the day. Adios, amigos.