Got out of bed today and I thought I saw a ghost

I honestly really try to keep the nursing/medical stuff to a minimum here, because there are plenty medical blogs out there written by nursing students and medical students and PA students and the whole gamut and I don't feel like my experience is particularly novel. But . . . I have my orientation today for my first clinical rotation.

That's right, clinical. They're entrusting the care of real people to me.

I don't think they could find someone less qualified if they tried.

Here's me, thinking that our first rotation would consist of us students trailing around after nurses like lost puppies, taking in every aspect of patient care, preparing for one day getting in on the action ourselves, perhaps helping out our nurse as the weeks went on. But no. No, we are assigned a patient. And . . . we are their nurse. Sure, our instructor checks our meds to make sure we're not overdosing anyone or anything like that, but other than that, it's all us. No other nurse. Just me and the patient, one on one, getting some serious QT.

I am not prepared for this.

I'm even less prepared because I have no idea who my patient for the first week is. I will find out next Tuesday, sure, but that's little consolation. I want to start preparing now. I want to know the meds and the H&P and everything so I can walk in there on Wednesday and be . . . totally confused. But less totally confused than I might be in reality, when I've only had a measly 24 hours to prepare! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO BE A LITTLE TYPE A.

I'm not a type A person, I'm really not, but I feel like for my first patient care experience? I should be allowed to exercise just a smidgen of that personality trait. What if I have to do something I don't know how to do? I mean seriously, what if I have to put in an IV? Do a straight cath? They never taught us that. I'm not IV certified in the hospital. WHAT ARE THEY DOING TRUSTING ME WITH THIS?!

They're . . . teaching me. I guess. They're giving me the opportunity to strut the stuff I've learned since last September. And I've learned a lot . . . really a lot, and I've done well but it's time for the real deal. It's time to get my hands dirty, to give an injection, to actually bed bathe someone (God help me), dispense meds . . . It's time for me to stop being a student and start being a nurse.

Intellectually I knew that would happen. Hell, it was the desired outcome. I'm just not sure I was ready for it to happen so soon.